Let’s talk about Happiness, Feminism and The Patriarchy….
….and why they’re related.
A quick Google search for:- ‘feminism definition’ will tell you it is
“the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.”
And then
A quick Google search for:- ‘the patriarchy definition’ will tell you it is
“a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it”
We live in a world still built on Patriarchal societies, communities and norms.
Men hold most of the power and control. They hold positions of authority, and diminish the value, power and authority of women across the globe and across all walks of life. Worse, the Patriarchy continues to raise men to believe that they are stronger, better, more important, and more valuable than women, and that they have the right to control women.
Feminism then is the vision or ideal of a world without patriarchal societies, communities and norms. It represents the opposite of what the Patriarchy is. It represents fairness, equality and equity for all. It is a campaign for the equal share of power, control and authority and, more importantly, for a world that raises men to treat women and people of all gender identities with equal respect, value, and importance, without trying to, or believing they have the right to, control them.
Feminism however is still perceived (ridiculed, dismissed, laughed at, persecuted) by many as a ridiculous ideology, representing ‘lesbianism’ (yep, that’s how far we’ve still got to go folks).
It doesn’t take too much of a leap then to see why I want to talk about them in the context of happiness.
Happiness on an individual level
- People feel controlled, disempowered and manipulated by the men around them
- Women and other gender identities are repressed and unable to be fully themselves
- Men and women feel the pressure to conform to what’s expected of them by The Patriarchal standards – at home, in work, and in the social and peer groups
Happiness on a relationship level
- Women are often placed in the care-giver and home-maker roles, so the men can be the breadwinner and head of the household
- Men feel the pressure to be the breadwinner/provider and unable to talk about or express their feelings.
- Opportunities are limited or restricted for women and people of other gender identities, and they miss out on work and career opportunities
- Men miss out on life at home and time with the family
- This creates an imbalance in the relationship, with emotional separation and often a financial dependence by one person on the other
Happiness on a social level
- Women are stigmatised as being too emotional, prone to outbursts and over-reacting
- Men are seen as (and expected to be) unemotional, unable to express their emotions, and emotionally unavailable
- Women connect, talk and share experiences on a deeper emotional level, but experience ridicule by men
- Men connect over more superficial experiences but then do not have the same level of connection to be able to support each other emotionally and can often feel isolated and lonely
- Women feel isolated, undervalued, and experience low self-esteem, low confidence and low self-worth because of their perceived ‘value’ and ‘place’ in society
- Men feel pressure to ‘man up’ and prove their worth, creating burnout, mental health challenges and high suicide rates
Happiness on a professional level
- Women are placed in the care-giver and home-maker roles, and so expected to occupy the lower paid jobs, affecting their confidence and self-esteem
- Women’s careers are cut short by maternity leave and then restricted through a lack of suitable part-time and flexible working opportunities
- Men are expected to be the primary earners, have the higher paid jobs and stress that goes with it, as well as be away from their families, which causes them to miss out on their children growing up and affects their mental health
- All of this creates resentment, and a lack of understanding, along with gender gaps in pay and pensions
Happiness on a global level
- People have their liberties removed, controlled, and restricted by men.
- Men are more likely to hold positions of power in business and government
- Excluding women from these settings means that decisions are made through the perspective of men only, often to the detriment of women and people of other gender identities
- Women continue to be seen and treated as inferior
- Men suffer from the pressure to be superior.
- No one wins.
The reason I want to talk about Feminism and The Patriarchy in the context of happiness is to show that The Patriarchy has a detrimental effect on the happiness of us all.
With a Patriarchal society everyone misses out on something and this is affecting everyone’s sense of happiness and wellbeing, as well as their sense of worth.
With a Feminist society, everyone’s happiness and wellbeing would be top priority. Everyone would benefit – we would have happier people, in happier relationships, with happier jobs, creating happier societies, communities and children, making decisions for a happier world, and therefore creating a happier world.
Sadly, the reason we aren’t seeing a bigger move towards a Feminist society, is because The Patriarchy is protected by the minority of people that it actually serves – The Patriarchy themselves. The men in positions of power, authority and control, who do not want to relinquish them!
People across the globe feel unable to effect change because of the repressive nature of the Patriarchy. As a woman, you cannot be seen to challenge, or step out of, the socially accepted norms – you risk persecution if you do. As a man, you cannot be seen to rebuff the Patriarchal norms that are expected of you for fear of being perceived as weak.
Whilst this means very slow change and progress on a global scale, I am determined not to be defeatist about it….
I do believe that we all have the power to affect our own ‘world’ and reclaim our own happiness by embracing a Feminist approach.
The ways we can do that are many and varied and may often feel as though they make such a small impact that it can be easy to wonder whether to bother at all. But, that apathy is exactly what The Patriarchy wants you to feel. That apathy continues to give it its power.
Removing that apathy is the starting point to change, for individuals and relationships, on a social and professional level and, eventually, on a global level.
How do you embrace the feminist approach to create more happiness in your life?
How can you start, or continue to remove apathy in your own life and world?
